Beansprouts

I don’t know what I will do without my wonderful kids! Thank God for giving us children! Some people say that parents have unconditional love for kids but I feel children are the ones that have unconditional love toward us parents. I read this the other day, I don’t know who is reading this blog, but it’s a nice article if you have children.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen & Listen so Kids Will Talk

I. HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS

We found that when we accepted our children’s feelings, they were more able to accept the limits we set for them.

What people of all ages can use in a moment of distress is not agreement or disagreement; they need someone to recognise what it is they’re experiencing.

Children need to have their feelings accepted & respected—To help your children deal with their feelings you can:

1. LISTEN QUIETLY & ATTENTIVELY.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THEIR FEELINGS WITH A WORD: “Oh…Mmm…I see…”

3. GIVE THE FEELING A NAME: “That sounds frustrating!”

4. GIVE THE CHILD HIS WISHES IN FANTASY: “I wish I could make the banana ripe for you right now!” Parents don’t usually give this kind of response, because they fear that by giving a name to the feeling, they’ll make it worse. Just the opposite is true. The child who hears the words for what he is experiencing is deeply comforted. Someone has acknowledged his inner experience. Use God’s Word to comfort & strengthen the child.

THE SECRET TO CHILD-TRAINING: LOVE!

5. Try putting yourself in your child’s place as much as possible.

This will give you a much better understanding of him. Make it a habit to try to see things through their eyes and understanding. Ask yourself, “What if this were I? How would I want to be treated in this situation if I were in his shoes?—If I were only 5 years old and were the one being laughed at by the adults, how would I feel?”

What may seem cute or funny to us, may be very embarrassing and humiliating to a child. Most of us know what it’s like to be embarrassed, hurt or slighted by others. Realising that such unpleasant experiences can be much more traumatic and painful to a small inexperienced child should cause us to do our best to spare them from such incidents.

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“Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them!”—Matthew 7:12.

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By putting yourself in as close a situation as you can think of to your child’s situation, imagining how you would feel, you will gain a much better understanding of him and his feelings.

6. Try to set a good example.

—Not of some kind of a perfect, sinless saint which your child may feel he could never measure up to, but of an honest, happy, humble example of a friend and loving parent, someone whom kids can look up to and trust. You have to try to be what you want your children to be.

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“Those things which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: And the God of peace shall be with you.”—Philippians 4:9.

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Children are great mimics, and this is largely how they learn, by imitation. Children seldom forget what they see. They go more by what they see than by what they hear, more by your actions than just your words. Children will learn more from your actions and even your attitudes than they will from what you say! Think of what you would like to be in the eyes of your child and be that parent!

Likewise, if you need to leave your child in the care of someone else, you should do your best to find someone who will be the kind of Godly example that you would want your child to follow. As a parent, you are responsible to make sure that your child is left in good trustworthy hands when you are not with him. So it’s important that you have good honest communication with those who help care for your little ones, and that they understand and agree to uphold the Christian principles and guidelines which you follow.

It’s also very important to try to reach and relate to children on their own level, and not expect too much of them. After all, a child is a child. But if you make an effort to make your lessons easily understood, so they can easily be learned by your child—you’ll be surprised at how quickly your child will learn and grow!

7. Love is also discipline.

Children are happiest when they know the boundaries and limitations that adults have set for them, not when they are totally free to go wild, and thus end up in big trouble! A spoiled and demanding child becomes a spoiled and demanding adult, so the importance of teaching a young child obedience, submission, yieldedness and unselfishness is evident. Failure to instill these virtues in a child will result in his failure in these same areas later on in school, business and the social world.

It’s best to start when your children are quite young, and practice consistent, loving discipline by setting limits and boundaries for them to follow for their own good. There’s never been a child yet who didn’t need it, because, as the Bible says, “We are all sinners”.—Romans 3:23. Parents need to make it very clear exactly what the rules are, and one of the best methods of establishing the rules is to get the children to help make them, or at least to agree to them with you.

The best kind of so-called punishment should be what the Bible calls “chastening”, which literally means “child-training“, something that will teach them something, train them and help them to learn the lesson so they’ll not want to make the same mistake again. Of course, to win and lovingly persuade children to obey out of love may seem to take a lot of time and patience, but they’ll turn out to be far better children and much more obedient in the long run if they are persuaded to obey through love, rather than by trying to break their will and force them to obey merely for fear of punishment.

This is another reason why it’s so important to first of all lead your children to Jesus and fill them with His Word, because a child who loves the Lord will want to obey his parents out of love for you and Jesus.

Discipline is a form of Love that is very, very Scriptural. Even God Himself disciplines His children when they need it! He says, “Whom the Lord loves He chastens, and disciplines every son whom He receives!”—Hebrews 12:6. In learning obedience and submission to their elders, our children receive and see a visible example of their own relationship with the Lord. Children who benefit from such Scriptural training grow to be happier and better behaved individuals.

8. Praise and encouragement are one of the most important parts of child training.

Be generous with praise and appreciate your child’s good intentions and strong points. For example, if your son makes a failing grade on his school work, you can still find something to commend him for, his neat handwriting, perhaps. There’s always some good to be praised and appreciated.

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“Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”—Philippians 4:8.

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All children thrive on praise. It’s more important to praise a child for his good deeds and his good behaviour than it is to scold him for his bad behaviour. Try to always accentuate the positive!

Of course, it’s important when giving praise and appreciation to remain honest and sincere, and it must relate to him or her. For example, you may consider your pre-teen daughter to be beautiful, but if she perhaps doesn’t compare favourably to many others her age, in spite of your opinion and feeling on the matter, she could think that you are being insincere or falsely flattering if you are constantly telling her how beautiful she is. So why not commend her in some other positive area in which she excels and shines: Her eloquence of speech or her good grades or her loving, sweet character and spirit—which the Bible says is one of the most beautiful virtues a woman can have. “The ornament of a meek and quiet spirit is in the sight of God of great price.”—1 Peter 3:4.

Be outspoken with praise for your children. Just about everyone loves kids, but it’s extremely important that the children know this by hearing you say it and seeing you show it.

CONCLUSION: All these suggestions and pointers are ways to put Love into action! Love is not “real” or practically applied without a living example by you and me, today’s parents who are molding the future! The World of tomorrow is what the mothers and fathers of today make it, according to the way we raise our children!

So try Love, it never fails! Do you show your children the genuine Love of Jesus? Will they grow up learning to love the Lord and share His Love with others? God bless and help you to be a loving parent and example to your little ones!